Though times and traditions have changed this is one that has largely stayed the same. It is customary for the man to ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage as a mark of respect.
**Although some men today choose to propose first and then request a blessing from the brides parents either is acceptable just try and gauge what is best for your situation.
Seeking permission to many may seem old fashioned; today it is still seen as a polite and respectful gesture. If you live some distance away you should telephone or write to your future father-in-law.
Most parents care tremendously for their children's welfare, whatever their age, and they would welcome discussing such an important decision with you. They will then be assured that their daughter will be well cared for and your decision will be seen as being made responsibly. Getting parents on-board at this time should make the rest of the wedding day planning much simpler and less stressful.
Grooms and diamond rings
First, select the engagement ring with care. Get a clue as to what style best suits your girlfriend. Remember that she will be wearing this ring for the rest of her life. If you can't afford anything but a very small diamond, look for a design where the diamond might be replaced for a larger one down the road. Most women will not give up their actual ring later in the marriage, but are happy to upgrade to a large diamond as you both become more successful.
As a general rule, it's not a great idea for the groom to go shopping for the engagement ring alone. You may want to enlist the help of one of her close friends or relatives if you prefer not to discuss your plans with your DUDette prior to popping the question. Though some women would prefer to choose their own engagement jewelry, this may mean proposing without a ring. Don't worry your girlfriend would rather be part of the ring selection process than be stuck with a ring she hates. In a modern wedding, this is commonplace. As long as you buy a ring within a month of your proposal, it is perfectly acceptable to propose without an engagement ring.
If, however, you are more of a traditionalist and perhaps more romantic, there are some very easy ways to figure out what kind of ring to get and, importantly, how big the ring should be.
In all it can pay to go window shopping for jewelry with your girlfriend. Pay attention to your girlfriend's reaction to certain shapes and styles. You may be surprised...
Size matters
You may never have considered how to figure out the ring size of your girlfriend's wedding finger. Well, DUDE, we have an easy way to help you figure it out, without any measuring required. If she wears a ring on her opposite ring finger, she'll probably take the ring off from time to time and open the door for you to slip away to the nearest jeweler to measure the size. If you're really good, you could sneak the ring away to the bathroom or kitchen and make an impression of the ring in a bar of soap or a halved apple.
Alternatively, you can put one of her rings on your ring finger and with a pen, mark how far down it fits. Use this as a benchmark for what size of ring to buy. The jeweler should be able to help you figure out the appropriate size. Finally, you can recruit a similar-sized girlfriend of hers to visit the jeweler together to take measurements.
Don't get too hung up over ring size. While it is nice to have a perfect fit, the good news is that size doesn't really matter. Jewelers can easily recast a ring to make it either bigger or smaller. The most important thing is to get the style right.
Proposal
The traditional way of making a marriage proposal is for the "DUDE" to make his appeal to his bride-to-be (dudette) on bended knee. Decide on the what, when, where, why and how you will ask her to marry you. A public place or a private setting? First thing in the morning or late at night? Think about what suits your personalities and relationship. Keep in mind, this is a story she will be telling for the rest of her life and you want her to be proud to tell it. But at the same time, the more complex a plan you concoct, the more difficult to pull off.
The Proposal in words
And now bringing your thoughts and feeling to life. I highly suggest preparing something to say to put in front of the words "will you marry me?" Think about it and tell her why you want to spend the rest of your life with her. It is actually a very good exercise to write down, in a short letter, the reasons why you feel so strongly. You may be surprised at what comes out of this introspection. You don't want to sound scripted, so don't memorize it. Speak from the heart - any dude can do it!
Big Bang or Something Subtle?
When you are planning to ask the Big Question, you should take some time to think about your partner's personality. Is she a live wire or a recluse? Without getting too deep into a psychosomatic examination, you need to determine whether your girlfriend would appreciate a huge, potentially very public display of affection or would she rather have an intimate moment alone with you. It could be that you propose over a romantic candle lit dinner for two or just pop the question in the checkout line at the supermarket! That being said, it is up to you. If you are confident that the outcome will be positive, put as much creativity into the proposal as you feel comfortable.
Though some guys today are opting for something a little less spectacular in many cases it is simply agreed by mutual consent. However, it is worth taking the time to think of a way that is either romantic and/or unique. It's up to you to decide but it is worth considering what your partner would appreciate and what will provide you both with a happy memory in the future. Having said all this, you still can't beat a bit of good old-fashioned tradition by getting down on one knee!
Location, Location, Location
The old adage "location, location, location" applies to wedding proposals just like it applies to real estate. Think about where you went on your first date or where you have shared some great memories. Romantic restaurants or dreamy destinations are nice, but a venue that has personal significance can be priceless and infinitely more memorable. You might ask someone you trust what they would suggest. Sometimes people have views of us that we do not see. These people can often make a suggestion for the perfect creative location you would not have thought about on our own - don't hesitate to ask!
One final proposal note
Remember that above all else, while the proposal, the ring and all the splendor and circumstance of the wedding is certainly important, it by no means will define your marriage. If you can't afford the biggest piece of ice, nor an elaborate proposal, that is ok. Creativity and demonstrating that you really love your dudette-to-be doesn't need to cost much at all.
